This was on my Facebook page today. I love it – it so resonates with my current thinking.
In Western culture, adult love, for the most part, is:
We pretend otherwise, of course.
You reckon that’s love???
As adults we are loved if we fit a particular bill but this ‘love’ is withdrawn in a heartbeat if we don’t behave ‘properly’. Unconditional it most certainly is not. Adult relationships are interactions between cowards who construct their lives around the fear of rejection and allow themselves to be controlled by the insecurities of mummy and daddy substitutes.
Adults conduct their lives around the fear of getting in trouble from their partners… just as we did as children with our parents!
Sure, people in love have fun together… but look how quickly the ‘love’ disintegrates when one does something the other doesn’t like!!! The success of adult relationships, it seems to me, depends on the ability of the participants to fulfil their role of the ‘ideal’ partner. Their ‘job’ is to please, and appease. I’d go as far to say that the success of relationships depends on the ability of each participant to maintain their ego mask, and the safest, most comfortable relationships are about hiding – not revealing – our true, inner self.
I’d go further and say that I believe many relationships aren’t about love at all. They’re about wanting to be in a relationship and finding someone whose company is bearable, and that many confuse love with gratitude: that is, that a debt of gratitude is owed to the person who rescues them from loneliness and it’s paid off in the form of undivided attention through the institution of monogamy.
Adult partnerships are about widening one’s circle of fear to include another then closing ranks. I ask again: you reckon that’s love???
Then children are brought into the arrangement. Yee gods.
And, as we all know, children are expected to please, and appease, their parents with ‘good’ behaviour. Whether or not love from adults is given or withheld depends on a child’s ability to learn how to act out the role of the ‘ideal’ child.
We comply, as children and as adults, because we are pathetically dependent on others’ good will.
The majority of children – in the educated West, anyway – are brought into the world not to live their own lives but to fulfil their parents’ dreams of parenthood. And partners are expected to fulfil their other half’s dreams of romantic love.
Woe betide a child or partner who disappoints their lover’s expectations.
It’s what keeps us on our toes, though, right? Keeps us in line, toeing the line.
Childish love, on the other hand, is:
I’m reminded of a quote from one of my favourite films, Legend, which I’ll paraphrase: ‘An adult’s heart is soft and spiritless as porridge! A child’s heart beats fierce and free!’ (The real quote is about human vs faery hearts.)
But, as we all know, the fierce, free heart of every child in our society is soon turned to mushy porridge! Frightened people are compliant, y’see.
What will we do about it? Most will do nothing because they are unaware of this state of being. Others chose to turn a blind eye – to keep on pretending because it’s the easiest option. For those who have realised it and can’t stomach it (like myself), we simply must find some courage within our beleaguered hearts to stand up to the tyranny of the pernicious beliefs we’ve passively absorbed. We must find a way back to the state of mind we were in before we were made fearful by our experiences of living in this world.
I’m not saying I know how to do this, but I am saying I think it’s necessary – absolutely necessary – if we want to be able to love freely and fearlessly – like children.