22 Things I have learned on my journey as a human being


This was meant to be a short snappy list but it kept getting longer!

1. In every moment we humans are manifesting our inner reality.
What we experience, when interacting with external reality, is our perception of that external reality and our perception of our place within it. Reality is personalised and subjective. We respond to this unique perception of reality with the only resource we have available to us: the contents of our mind, which is a haphazard collection of beliefs and memories, and is also personalised and subjective.

2. We operate from a version of reality our minds constructed when we were children.
This means:  a) we are unlikely to accurately assess the reality of current situations and are therefore unlikely to select appropiate reponses, and  b) we manage our adult lives as if we are children navigating our relationship with our parents, the basis of which is fear of rejection.

3. Fear of rejection is hard-wired into us.
It’s a survival mechanism. The fear is about rejection / exclusion from our group / tribe. As primitives, isolation from the group meant certain death from predators. In our panic and confusion about our problems, we often – accidentally – behave in such a way that we bring about the fate we fear.

4. Our society is a matrix of fear.
Behavioural compliance is controlled by stimulating our fear. We learn, at a young age, that life in the world of civilization isn’t for enjoying – it’s about doing things properly. Freedom of self-expression is disapproved of; in fact, it is an act of rebellion that must be stamped out. Joie de vivre is verboten. We are terrorised into submission. So terrified are we of the consequences of freedom of self-expression that we opt for cowardice as a survival strategy. We are wild animals in a cage of oppression, performing the circus tricks of social protocol in the name of civilization. And so bamboozled are we by our indoctrination that we actually think that’s a good thing! That’s why we perpetuate it and force it on the next generation.

5. Our personalities are fear-management systems.
However, our culture is intolerant of ‘weakness’; therefore part of our fear-management strategy is pretending not to be afraid.

6. Being authentic – speaking our truth – is a risky business. Social survival is dependent on how successful we are at being (or pretending to be) a person others deem to be acceptable. Fearless people are undesirable because they can’t be controlled.

7. All so-called dysfunctional / anti-social behaviour is an expression of fear and suffering.
And it is a perfectly normal reaction to the insane psychic conditions that are imposed upon us.

8. Happiness is about managing our minds, and our emotional attachments to thoughts.
However, we don’t learn how to do this. Rather, we are forced to acquire emotional attachments – usually fear-based – to ideas designed to control us, and those emotional attachments are then manipulated by nearly everyone we encounter: parents, teachers, friends, lovers, children, governments, taxmen, insurance salespeople, the Law, advertisers, newspaper editors, et al.

9. The human heart does not operate in accordance with the convenience of the dictates of protocol. This can lead us into all sorts of trouble.

10. Love and fear are the same energy differently perceived. Love is about acceptance; fear is about rejection.

11. Western love is conditional, possessive, exclusive and imbued with expectation and obligation.
It’s all about control. That makes it a form of slavery. Sounds like an ugly kind of love to me. In fact, it sounds like fear.

12. The formation of positive and negative judgements is hard-wired into us.
In other words, we are judgemental by nature. We need to be constantly vigilant for opportunities and threats to our survival. We need to decide what to accept and what to reject. Note: I said decide, not know.

13. There is nothing inherently acceptable or unacceptable in anything.
It’s all a matter of perception. Our mind can just as easily decide to accept something it has rejected. Ultimately, these decisions determine our experiences of living and the extent to which we suffer.

14. Self-reflection is hard-wired into us.
We need to monitor our own behaviour in comparison with our fellow tribe members, and make adjustments, to prevent exclusion from the tribe. In our modern industrial age, we are required us to operate within several tribes simultaneously – no wonder we get confused and conflicted.

15. Self-rejection in favour of group conformity is hard-wired into us.
It’s a survival mechanism. We govern our existence based upon a need for the approval of others; our modus operandi of conformity is to act out the same pretense of conformity as everyone else. Pretense goes hand-in-hand with the fear of being found out. Fear, hate and rejection are Siamese triplets; therefore  fear and hatred of self are byproducts of self-rejection. Also, we have been trained from a young age to be self-deprecating – doing ourselves down is deemed a virtue!

16. Some people cannot stand the pain of being themself and they escape through whatever means are available to them: alcohol, tv, self-help books… the list is long. Some people give up altogether.

17. Self-acceptance is a contradiction to our instinct for survival. However, it is necessary for our psychological well-being and for peaceful, rewarding relationships with others.

18. If we accept ourself, love ourself, forgive ourself all the crazy stuff we did in the name of self-hatred, then we will no longer fear the rejection of others. That is because we will have all the love we need within us and will not require others’ approval. Besides, rejection is less likely to happen because we’ll be a person others will want to be around because we’ll emanate loving energy instead of the fearful energy we have all become habituated to.

19. Accepting ourself is not as difficult as it may seem. For starters we can decide to believe that the actions we have berated ourself for are a manifestation of our fear and suffering, for which we deserve compassion rather than condemnation.

20. I think it’s unrealistic to aspire to fearlessness. But I do believe we can cultivate a relationship with the fearful part of ourselves that is based on self-compassion rather than self-condemnation. We are more likely to be courageous about expressing ourselves freely, I believe, if we have a kind attitude towards our fear, and the cowardice that results from our fear. Then our behaviour – the manifestation of our inner reality – will be a celebration of self-love rather than and a frenzy of self-hate.

21. Occasions when people deserve condemnation: never.

22. Occasions when people deserve compassion: always.

(I don’t know who owns c/r on image.)


One thought on “22 Things I have learned on my journey as a human being

  1. Pingback: Measuring goodness | Salon du Cyber Muse

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